Eye Eye!

This story concerns a friend of mine. I shall call her Jessica, though that is not her real name. It also concerns her father. And if I tell you that her father was an academic who specialised in the history of trade union disputes you might get some idea as to just how socially awkward this man was. He had no inter-personal skills whatsoever. Next to him, Rain Man was a champion of wit, charisma and general dinner-party-pleasing repartee.

Jessica’s dad was also a marathon runner, which meant long training runs throughout the year. One particularly delightful habit of his was entering the kitchen-diner, fresh from a three hour jog, removing ALL of his running gear and stuffing it into the washing machine before climbing the stairs for a shower, plums and manhood swinging freely all the while. It made no difference to him if there were visitors in the kitchen who might be alarmed at his nudity, and neither did he cater to any expressions of shock or dismay, he simply wished to distance himself from the sweaty clothes and commence his ablutions.

This particular story happened to Jessica when she was nine years old. She had a play-friend over on the evening in question. And yes you are right to begin blushing in anticipation of where this is leading.

Jessica and friend were playing upstairs. Jessica was in her bedroom and the friend was perched on the two stairs that separated each stretch of the family’s split-level landing. Imagine the friend’s shock when Jessica’s 100% nude dad rounded the corner and headed straight for her. She wasn’t to know that all he cared about was moving beyond the small-girl-shaped-obstacle and into the shower. Her embarrasment intensified a thousand-fold when the two of them began that awkward-at-the-best-of-times shifting to the left and then to the right and then to the left again dance of clumsy passing attempts.

Frustrated that he was now three and a half seconds overdue for his shower, Jessica’s dad took matters into his own hands and attempted to step over the cowering friend. To his credit, he DID succeed in getting past her, but not before his penis had slapped the poor girl in the eye.

I suspect that’s something that took a while to recover from.

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